Awoman takes a lover home...

...during the day when her Husband is at work.

Her 9yr old son comes home unexpectedly and sees them and hides in the bedroom cupboard to view them.

Just after getting into bed, the womans husband also comes home unexpectedly, she tells her lover to hide in the cupboard not realising that the little boy is there.

After a while, the little boy says, "Dark in here".

The man, unexpectedly got a real fright not expecting to hear anything let alone a little boy says "Yes, it is."

Boy - "I have a football"

Man - "That's nice"

Boy - "Want to buy it?"

Man - "No Thanks"

Boy - "My Dads outside."

Man - "How much?"

Boy - "£250"

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the little boy and the lover are in the cupboard together.

Boy - "Dark in here."

Man - "Yes, it is."

Boy - "I have Football boots"

The lover, remembering the last time aske the boy "OK, How much this time"

Boy - "£750"

Man - "Sold"

A few days later, the boys Father says to the boy "Grab your boots and your ball, lets go outside and have a game of Football"

The boy says "I cant, I sold my ball and boots"

The Father asks "How much did you sell them for and to who?"

The boy says "To a friend of mine for £1000"

The Father says, "Thats a terrible thing to do, overcharging your friend like that. Thats ten times the price that they cost when they were new. I'm going to take you to the Chapel and make you confess your terrible sin."

They go to the Church and the father makes the boy sit in the Confessional Booth and he closes the door.

The boy says "Dark in here"

The Priest says, "Dont start that shit again you little prick, you're in MY cupboard now!"

A young couple...

...wanted to join a Church.
The Reverend told them, "We have special requirements for new parishoners. You must abstain from sex for one whole month."

The coouple agreed and efter two-and-a-half weeks returned to the Church. When the Pastor ushers them into his office, the wife is crying nad the husband obviously very depressed.

"You are back so soon...is there a problem?" the Reverend inquired.


"We are terribly ashamed to admit that we did not abstain from sex for the required month..." the young man replied sadly.

"What happened" asked the Reverend.

"Well, the first week was difficult...However, we managed to abstain through sheer willpower. The second week was terrible, but with the use of prayer, we managed to abstain. However, the third week was unbearable. We tired cold showers, prayer, reading from the Bible...anything to keep our minds off carnal thoughts. One afternoon, my wife reached over for a can of paint and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and had my way with her right there and then." admitted the man, shamefacedly.

"You understand this means you will not be welcome in our Church" stated the Reverend.

"We know..." said the young man, hanging his head "...We're not welcome in Homebase either.."

Busy shift...

...tonight.
Weans not behaving, playing tig with the Angels - or trying to.

Problems with the heating, tonight its too hot. Last night it was too cold. Technology eh?

Dont feel like adding any more, I'll bugger off.

Been feeding a fox...

...down at the van. Saw it one night @ 03.00am. Looked quite a big one with a magnificent tail, not like the straggly scrawny manky ones you see running through the town.
Got some cheap cans out of the in-store shop (3 for a £1) and some chubs out of Morrisons and they disapear like snow affa dyke.

Keep leaving wee shits on the grass - not proper shits either, seems to eat a lot of paper and some of them are turning white - just like dog shits seemed to always look like when I was a kid.

Christ, the things that stick in your mind.

Finally getting the hang of...

...this thing.
Even managed to have a quick peek at sod this for sodgers - the first effort at a blog where I quickly forgot the name of it and could never get back on it again....and I got a comment, someone read it...Result!

Night shift again, SCBU's nice and settled. Some are getting ready for home in the next few days and no doubt some other wee souls will be needing our help.

February and August are not very good times to be in hospital with the change-round of doctors. The worst ones are those with a wee bit of experience who think they know it all (as in Fuck All) and have already got some bad habits, especially if they are returning to a unit where they worked previously with no experience, they think they've got something to prove.
The best have never worked in a neonatal unit before - virgin territory - shit scared but ready to listen when you try to keep them sticking to the protocols we work by.
Lets face it, if it all goes pear shaped but you've stuck to the protocols, the bosses will back you up. If you havn't, you're on your own and Hell Bloody mend you.

Worst case scenario, someone who's never worked with neonates before and doesn't even have English as a second language.

Some sick tw@'s having a laugh.

Cats...

....have been down at the van all winter.
So have I, noticed the depression hasnt been as bad this year and I havnt been spending days off lying in bed unable to function.
The cats have loved the chance to get out and run about with no one around, even if all they want to do is sit on the steps and bask in the little sun there is, they love it.
Getting them in at night's been a dawdle too, usually just appearring at the door has been enough to get them to run in - hoping the dishes will get filled, again.
Problem is, the two supprting struts at the front corners have rusted to the point they dont even make contact with the concrete blocks they are supposed to be sitting on so any wind at all and the whole van rocks.
We had 80mph winds a couple of weeks back and I honestly thought we were going to flip over.

And the insurance ran out several years ago.

Ooops.