Saturday, December 20, 2008

Havn't been on for...

...bloody ages. The computer system at work has been toughened up so there are a lot of sites I cant get onto, including work related emails for a while.
All those lazy bastards who spend all their time looking for cheap flights and Next bargains have screwed it for the rest of us.

OK, whats been happening .... A good friend has taken retirement, alsways thought they'd have to prise her out of a job with a pitchfork but she finally had enough and said sod it, lucky sod.

Two of the Good Guys have felt obliged to move elsewhere because of allegations, proven to be false, made against them. Luckily, they know how most of us feel and that we are on their side.
They visisted the unit the other day and the Certain Unnames Neonatal Type came in, Christ you could have cut the atmosphere with a knife.

Still want another job, nothing on Staffnet for the area I need to go to if I want to keep tabs on the Wee Barra.

Hate working with hypoocrites who go greeting of to the managers to get what they want but slag everyone else off who does the same thing.

Went to a 50th Birthday Do for a very good friend, company was a laugh, food was magnificent, got named checked twice at the speeches which I didnt expect and was very humbling to realise how much the Boys thought of me , which was really lovely and and considering how low I've been feeling, really gave me a boost.

Fuck it, I'll be 50 next birthday. Considering the last really sig. Bi'day I changed from being a Lab tech. to a nursing student - mental things you do when you turn 21, really need to change something in the life.

Internet cafe time is nearly up, I'll bugger off now.

Friday, October 03, 2008

Had problems getting on...

... for a few weeks now. The computers at works wern't getting through to a lot of sites ie blogger, face book, sites that wern't medical orientated.
Either the bosses were fed up not being able to access p0rn at work or fed up listening to complaints from their underlings about not getting their p0rn during working hours but we seem to have all our old sites back (and I dont do p0rn!)
Still trying to do stuff at the flat. Am definately going to sell the thing. I also want another job and may have to head out east - and by that I mean Stirling or Dunfermline not bloody Saudi.
Because Falkirk has already moved to Stirling and the new Hospital at Larbert has been started, I've started keeping an eye on the prices over at Culross - although saw a cracker in Kincardine for £17500 fixed price and absolutely beautiful.

For the last few weeks now I've been desparate to get on here and stick a few rants in, now that I've got back on, I cant be arsed.

Story of my life.

Friday, June 27, 2008

Obituary....

...sent to one of the girls in the work - she dosn't even know who this person is that sent it.

London Times Obituary of the late Mr. Common Sense.

'Today we mourne the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in beaurocratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; Why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair and Maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (Don't spend more than you earn) and reliable strategies (Adults not children are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year old boy charged with sexual harassement for kissing a class-mate; Teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.

It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an Aspirin to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the Churches became businesses; and criminals recieved better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live when after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot, she spilled a little in her lap and was promtly rewarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceeded in death by his parents, Trust and Truth; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.

He is survived by his 4 step-brothers; I know my rights, I want it now, Someone else is to blame and I'm a victim.

Not many attended his funeral because so few realised he was gone. If you still remember him, please pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.


Never a truer word spoken in jest eh?.

Monday, June 16, 2008

Heard the one about ...

...the Purina Diet?


I'm standing at the end of a large queue in Costco with two 15KG bags of Purina Dog food.

The woman standing behind me asks if I have a dog.

I say "No, I'm on the Purina Dog Food Diet"

She asks what that is.

I say " You just keep a bag with some kibbles in it on you at all times so that any time you feel hungry, you have them handy to eat. That its a fantastic diet because its a complete food - it has the right balance of carbohydrate, proteins and fibre and even tastes great because of all the meaty juices in it."

At this point everyone in the queue is listening in anxious to heat more about this wonder diet so I continue..

"I 've lost so much weight in this diet.....but I hope I have better success this time on it than I had with it the first time I tried it"

She asks "Why, what happened" - the guy behind her leans in closer so he can hear better...

"Well, the first time I tried it I ended up in Intensive Care, tubes coming out of every orifice and IV lines attached to both arms and hooked up to what felt like dozens of monitors."

She's turned white... the guy behind looks shocked.....

"How come ....?"

"Well, I was sitting on the side of the road liking my arse when a lorry came out of nowhere and ran me over...................................................of course I've got a bloody dog!"

Bloody Neil Diamond II ...

... that @ 6 or 7 empty posts cos I belted the button - three shredded wheat eh???.

Bloody Neil Diamond...

...was on night shift last week.

Didnt get home till late on Wed. morning for a sleep.

Got up, ready and out for work as usual when on nights - raining for the first time in about a fortnight.......no bloody cars in the street and surrounding streets. Something on at Hampden and no obvious signs that cars were going to be lifted!

Phoned the work to tell them I'd be late. The second time I called them found out that Neil Diamond was playing at Hampden but unless you were a Dianmond fan, you wouldnt have known. Should have realised it wasnt a Football match when I saw the Flag seller's flogging pink fluff trimmed stetson's. Not the sort of thing the average butch football fan would wear to a match...unless they had a death wish.

Finally found a Policewoman - not only years younger than me but absolutely totty too... and asked her what happened to the cars lifted from my street.

OK, I growled at her.

After waiting in the pissing rain for 5 minutes, was told the car was in Myrtle Park about 1 mile away - OK it felt like it trying to walk to it in the pissing rain and laden with bags for work wearing a long woollen cardigan cos the jacket and raincoat were in the back of the motor - well the sun was splitting the trees when I got home.

Found the car, eventually and the FRONT DRIVER'S SIDE TYRE WAS FLAT.

So, its not just raining, its Thunder and Lightning, the rains belting down, I'm soaked through and I'm kneeling in a puddle - well a torrent running down the gutters because of the volume of rain falling and I'm trying to get a jack under the car to try and lift it to get the spare wheel on.

Except I cant get the wheel nuts off because they are Factory tightened and my elbow's still buggered from the Tennis Elbow that developed last year so I called the RAC. They said it would take over an hour for someone to get to me. He called after 10 minutes and needed diections to get to me because his Sat-nav was broken but he'd get there in an hour.

He took 35 minutes and fixed it in 5 and was a dead nice guy...

... who was appalled at the polis/council guys who lift residents cars because they live within a set distance from Hampden, although it is a safety issue, but they could have had signs up warning us not to park.

At least I wasnt taken to the Polis pound - I think its @ £125 to get out of there but then I wasnt parked illegally. The front tyre had been a bit "soft" but I though it would be OK till I could get to a garage and try to blow it up - didnt realise the bloody thing had a wee nail in it so looks like another tenner at the National tyre palce in Kilmarnock to get it sealed and blown up - Damn, that means I'll have to go to TK MAXX again.
I think the lifting guys had let the air out so I would have to deal with it properly, which meant in turn they wouldnt have to scrape me up from wherever it was I would have lost control of the car - OK, the grammer's shite but you know what I mean.

Was only an hour and a half late for work, couldnt get annual leave hours as only 6 people had turned up when I first phoned in.

Bugger, after the start to the night didnt really feel like working.

Bloody Neil Diamond...

Bloody Neil Diamond...

Bloody Neil Diamond...

Bloody Neil Diamond...

Bloody Neil Diamond...

Bloody Neil Diamond...

Bloody Neil Diamond...

Bloody Neil Diamond...

T in The Park....

Havn't been on this for bloody ages.

Sitting in the Internet cafe.

The guy behind the desk has a real problem with his people skills - makes me look like a sweetheart.

Came in dead early this morning to log onto Ticketmaster to try and get T in the Park tickets, even had to hunt round earlier to try and get a cashline that worked to lift the lock-out on my bank cards so I can now use chip and pin - result, I can get petrol at ASDA again!

The last run of T tickets went on sale at @ 09.00am and seemed to sell out at 10past - then some seemed to be on sale for @ 2 tickets at a atime, but I only wanted one.

Didn't bother - prices were too high..... might have a chance buying one from someone in the work for the face-price although I would add on £10 for the handling fee you get charged when you buy them but which people tend to forget to give you - a bit like the VAT when you take someone into COSTCO to get something on your card.

The person concerned...didnt seem to hit it off working with her when she first arrived in the Hell that is work. But then I like to suss folk out for myself - funny how someone else's "good co-worker" turns out to be a lazy bastard. But when we were working together, I wasn't on edge worrying about the capabilities of staff on shift so we were all able to relax and had quite good shifts - even to the point of getting a bit of teaching done when the offer came out the blue of a spare ticket for T.

If it dosn't come off, I'll be disapointed, but it was made in a generous spirit and if she decides that one of her friends deserves it more than me, well Friends come before "someone you work with" and I'll try again for tickets for next year.

Friday, February 29, 2008

Awoman takes a lover home...

...during the day when her Husband is at work.

Her 9yr old son comes home unexpectedly and sees them and hides in the bedroom cupboard to view them.

Just after getting into bed, the womans husband also comes home unexpectedly, she tells her lover to hide in the cupboard not realising that the little boy is there.

After a while, the little boy says, "Dark in here".

The man, unexpectedly got a real fright not expecting to hear anything let alone a little boy says "Yes, it is."

Boy - "I have a football"

Man - "That's nice"

Boy - "Want to buy it?"

Man - "No Thanks"

Boy - "My Dads outside."

Man - "How much?"

Boy - "£250"

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the little boy and the lover are in the cupboard together.

Boy - "Dark in here."

Man - "Yes, it is."

Boy - "I have Football boots"

The lover, remembering the last time aske the boy "OK, How much this time"

Boy - "£750"

Man - "Sold"

A few days later, the boys Father says to the boy "Grab your boots and your ball, lets go outside and have a game of Football"

The boy says "I cant, I sold my ball and boots"

The Father asks "How much did you sell them for and to who?"

The boy says "To a friend of mine for £1000"

The Father says, "Thats a terrible thing to do, overcharging your friend like that. Thats ten times the price that they cost when they were new. I'm going to take you to the Chapel and make you confess your terrible sin."

They go to the Church and the father makes the boy sit in the Confessional Booth and he closes the door.

The boy says "Dark in here"

The Priest says, "Dont start that shit again you little prick, you're in MY cupboard now!"

A young couple...

...wanted to join a Church.
The Reverend told them, "We have special requirements for new parishoners. You must abstain from sex for one whole month."

The coouple agreed and efter two-and-a-half weeks returned to the Church. When the Pastor ushers them into his office, the wife is crying nad the husband obviously very depressed.

"You are back so soon...is there a problem?" the Reverend inquired.


"We are terribly ashamed to admit that we did not abstain from sex for the required month..." the young man replied sadly.

"What happened" asked the Reverend.

"Well, the first week was difficult...However, we managed to abstain through sheer willpower. The second week was terrible, but with the use of prayer, we managed to abstain. However, the third week was unbearable. We tired cold showers, prayer, reading from the Bible...anything to keep our minds off carnal thoughts. One afternoon, my wife reached over for a can of paint and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and had my way with her right there and then." admitted the man, shamefacedly.

"You understand this means you will not be welcome in our Church" stated the Reverend.

"We know..." said the young man, hanging his head "...We're not welcome in Homebase either.."

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Busy shift...

...tonight.
Weans not behaving, playing tig with the Angels - or trying to.

Problems with the heating, tonight its too hot. Last night it was too cold. Technology eh?

Dont feel like adding any more, I'll bugger off.

Friday, February 22, 2008

Been feeding a fox...

...down at the van. Saw it one night @ 03.00am. Looked quite a big one with a magnificent tail, not like the straggly scrawny manky ones you see running through the town.
Got some cheap cans out of the in-store shop (3 for a £1) and some chubs out of Morrisons and they disapear like snow affa dyke.

Keep leaving wee shits on the grass - not proper shits either, seems to eat a lot of paper and some of them are turning white - just like dog shits seemed to always look like when I was a kid.

Christ, the things that stick in your mind.

Finally getting the hang of...

...this thing.
Even managed to have a quick peek at sod this for sodgers - the first effort at a blog where I quickly forgot the name of it and could never get back on it again....and I got a comment, someone read it...Result!

Night shift again, SCBU's nice and settled. Some are getting ready for home in the next few days and no doubt some other wee souls will be needing our help.

February and August are not very good times to be in hospital with the change-round of doctors. The worst ones are those with a wee bit of experience who think they know it all (as in Fuck All) and have already got some bad habits, especially if they are returning to a unit where they worked previously with no experience, they think they've got something to prove.
The best have never worked in a neonatal unit before - virgin territory - shit scared but ready to listen when you try to keep them sticking to the protocols we work by.
Lets face it, if it all goes pear shaped but you've stuck to the protocols, the bosses will back you up. If you havn't, you're on your own and Hell Bloody mend you.

Worst case scenario, someone who's never worked with neonates before and doesn't even have English as a second language.

Some sick tw@'s having a laugh.

Sunday, February 10, 2008

Cats...

....have been down at the van all winter.
So have I, noticed the depression hasnt been as bad this year and I havnt been spending days off lying in bed unable to function.
The cats have loved the chance to get out and run about with no one around, even if all they want to do is sit on the steps and bask in the little sun there is, they love it.
Getting them in at night's been a dawdle too, usually just appearring at the door has been enough to get them to run in - hoping the dishes will get filled, again.
Problem is, the two supprting struts at the front corners have rusted to the point they dont even make contact with the concrete blocks they are supposed to be sitting on so any wind at all and the whole van rocks.
We had 80mph winds a couple of weeks back and I honestly thought we were going to flip over.

And the insurance ran out several years ago.

Ooops.