Helicopter...

...sitting up in bed on Saturday night reading - as you do ON A SATURDAY - and I became aware that the loud noise I was hearring was a helicopter hovering.
Took a while for it to register 'cos lets face it with a static caravan near a large airport with a military SAR base attached, you hear them all the time.
Tried keeking out the window but could see nothing - must have been right overhead.
Next day in the papers - the local SPAR had been held up by a gunman, someone well known to the staff who had flipped, cornered in a street only a couple of hundred yards away from me by the cops. Wouldnt comply with instructions so they shot him.
Lets face it, the way things are nowadays, he could have had a weapon shoved up his jouk and taken the cops out first.
There will be an enquiry, there always is but the guy's recovering in Hospital and giving that its an area of high density housing, the cop's were doing what they thought was the safest.

And I get milk and paper's in that shop too.

Better make sure I've always got my purse in with me ..........bugger.

Bloody hippocrits...

...a friend at work really annoys sometimes by doing exactly what she slags other people off for.
Never can understand the OK for some but not for others malarky, what does it take to become part of the in-crowd?.....do I really want to be part of the in-crowd?.....do I get pissed off when I feel as if I'm being discriminated against? - fuckin' right I do.

Cats....

...going stir crazy. Would normally be down at the van this time of year where they can spend some time outside, killing the local rodent population. (Not too successful with birds and the wee sand lizards only come out in very hot weather, even then they get played with but not killed.)
So everything seems to revolve around food at the moment.

#1 - semilong haired, covered in knots but would rip you to shreds rather than let you cut/brush them out. Can kill just by staring at you. Hates strangers but sooks up to me if she thinks no-one can see her. Brilliant wee hunter.
#2 - fat bastard tortie. Has to wedge herself against the door to lick her arse or she'll fall over.
Belly waggles when she walks (waddles). Loves getting brushed. You hold a brush still, she's happy to stand for ages brushing her face off it. Steals the other two's food. Not bad at hunting - eats the catches, too fat to have worms.
#3 - the auld man. 16 yrs old. He was 12 when I got him. Bullied by the other 2 although push him too far and he'll belt back. Getting skinny now, will be 17 in October. Last owner was going to get him put down cos he couldnt be arsed leaving the girlfriends bed to go and feed him.
Quite a vocal wee guy, keeps running before you then stopping dead in front of you so you nearly send him flying. And had never been outside in his life till I took him down to the van. Freaked the first time he stood on grass. Now he hangs fromm the curtains to get out but just likes lying on warm concrete slabs (and blending in).

Need to get the van gutted so I can get them down.

A jelly baby....

...woke up after a wild night out, feeling really rough.
Looking down, he noticed that his willy was covered in wee aniseed balls and tiny bits of liquorice.
In a panic, he ran down to the local STD clinic to get checked out by the pox-docter on call.
After a thourough examination, the pox-doc stands up and says "Jeezo - that looks serious, what the Hell have you been up to?".
The jelly baby replies - "Fucking allsorts!"

That got sent to me by text when I was plugging my moby in at my maw's to recharge.
She laughed away at it for most of the day.
......considering it was the second aniversary of my Da's death - not bad, brought a wee smile to her coupon and stopped her getting too morbid.

Heard another one tonight.
2 Parish priests go away on holiday to somewhere sunny - Benidorm. They make a pact to ditch the dog-collars, get some casual clothes and really enjoy themselves.
Sitting on the beach in the bermuda shorts and the casual shirts and sunglasses, they see a beautiful blonde in a bikini walking towards them -"Hello Fathers" she says and walks on.
Stunned at being recognised, the Priests decide to get really roary hawaiian shirts, big sunglasses, wee panama hats to try and hide the fact that they are Priests on holiday.
Sitting dressed up, they see again the beautiful blonde waking along the beach - "Hello Fathers" she says.
The Priests cant stand it, they run after her and ask her how come she knows thery are 2 Priests.
She lifts up her singlasses and says - "Sure, do you not recognise me ? - its Sister Bridget, from the convent next door to the Chapel !".

I'll get me coat.

Still no fixed....

...the guy that debugged the 'puter last time dosn't seem to keep strictly to office hours. I think he opens up whenever he feels like it and closes up shop "whenever".
Actually getting to the point where 1) I've got £45 to spare.
2) The shop's open.
3) I'm off work with nothing else planned so can sit for an hour to get the thing de-bugged then spend ages on the phone to some call centre in India while they talk me through alternate ways to patch onto the net.
....feels like its never going to happen.
Fucksocks.

GYM????...........

....At the GP's today to see the practice nurse re. BP medication etc. Was meant to go in October but forgot.
Ooops.
She wasnt in a very good mood, especially when I told her I'd been having problems with the asthma inhaler. Also cheesed off as I hadn't lost any weight.
(Gained.........................................snigger)
So, I've been referred to the Spirometery lab for a lung assessment - waiting time 3 months! but the real kicker is I've also been referred to a gym - the one at Hollyrood secondary for an assessment and a 12 week course in excercises to try and lose weight.
Fuxake.


Saves me a bit of cash right enough, unlike a commercial gym where they try to take you for every bloody penny they can screw out of you - Olympics Health & Fitness Studio flogging steroids etc in the 80's anyone?

Bored,bored,bored................

...bored. Long day today, one member of staff down but not enough to do which ment we had time to sit and talk to the mums.
Guess what, 'puter's still gubbed, using the one at work yadda yadda etc.
Had a quick flick through some other blog sites.
Some blogs are really well written, almost like we insights into human nature, they tell a wee story that enlightens, entertains, makes you think and if they have a big enough readership spark of a lot of debate, like waiterrant.net. As much as I like the way this guy writes, you are still left with the impression he's practising to be a real author. He doesnt seem to post as often and it gives the flavour of honing down the stories to make them more polished. I like them better when they appear off the cuff.
Theres another blog called scaryduck.com, dead funny, scatalogical - which doesn't mean he writes a load of shite, about shite yes , but in a brilliant way. He also has a loyal well, fan-base of like minded, OK, manky minded people who reply to his stories and get literally stuck into the mank, and a few of the have banded together to create yet another blog called blog pie which tends to be shorter stories or dead funny pic/vids. also misty/GW/wrath of Dawn/rikaitch - all funny/manky and good if your pissed off.
Then there are the ones I'm terrified I'll turn into - pretentious twats who canny write to save themselves are are totally boring fuckwits. Not that anyone reads this so thank fuck for that.
Spam Fuckwit signing off..................................................................................................Oh, FUCK!!!!!