...having a long lie a couple of weeks ago.
Eejit features was in up the stairs, could hear her thumping around.
Then she starts singing scales......for @ 15 minutes.
Then a tape of piano music starts.... and she starts singing along to it.
Badly...."Climb every mountain".
Badly sung, bum notes, voice cracking, flat tone ... total crap.
By the time she got round to the THIRD rendition, the CD player was shoved up to 11, Alice Cooper and Faithless belting out full blast with speakers as near as possible pointing towards the ceiling.
Hell fuckin' mend her.
Saturday, June 16, 2007
Bloody dripping...
...noise heard a couple of weeks ago when I went home after a weekend at the van, Just thought, bugger it, must have left a tap dripping in the bog, but no - her upstairs had put in central heating over the weekend and her plumber had caused a leak - into my boiler press, fucking up my central heating and hot water, ruining all my spare bedding and towels stored in the boiler press and soaking the floor.
Took 5 hours before she was in to let her know, thought at first she wasnt going to bother her fat arse, took the second time knocking at her door and saying to her to come and see the damage - the daft cow wasnt going to do anything.
Took two hours before her plumber got there and shut off the water.
AND he managed to get a load of soggy rubble to drop all over my floor - cleaned up her mess but I was left to get on with it.
Insurance assessor was out but its a £100 excess fee - not really worth a claim but FEP were brilliant, by the time they got out to me, the electrics had dried out and it only took the guy 30mins to get the system off and running so at last I can get the place dried out.
Already started ripping the wallpaper off the living room, made out a list of decorating jobs and when the car loan is paid off, I'm moving out that bloody dump.
Took 5 hours before she was in to let her know, thought at first she wasnt going to bother her fat arse, took the second time knocking at her door and saying to her to come and see the damage - the daft cow wasnt going to do anything.
Took two hours before her plumber got there and shut off the water.
AND he managed to get a load of soggy rubble to drop all over my floor - cleaned up her mess but I was left to get on with it.
Insurance assessor was out but its a £100 excess fee - not really worth a claim but FEP were brilliant, by the time they got out to me, the electrics had dried out and it only took the guy 30mins to get the system off and running so at last I can get the place dried out.
Already started ripping the wallpaper off the living room, made out a list of decorating jobs and when the car loan is paid off, I'm moving out that bloody dump.
Heard this joke last night...
...a man walks into a pub for a drink. On the counter there's this massive big jar crammed full of £10 notes.
He asks the barman what they are collecting for, thinking its for charity.
The barman answers "It's the £10 challenge, whoever wins gets the jar and all the contents"
Its obvious there must be a couple of grand in this jar so the man says"OK, I'm up for it, whats the challenge?".
"Oh no" says the barman, "You need to put your tenner in before I tell you the challenge and you cant take the money back if you want to back out from it".
The man says "I'll just have a pint".
After a several pints, OK a bucket-load sitting looking at this jar stuffed with tenners, obviously a good couple of grand in it, the man goes up to the bar, slaps a tenner down and says "OK, I'm in - whats the £10 Challenge".
The barman says"OK, Challenge no. 1 - you drink a pint of my special chilli/woucester sauce/olive oil mixture, in a wanner, no boaking or dry or otherwise and no even complaining about breaking into a sweat.
Challenge no. 2 - out in the back, theres a pit-bull dog with severe toothache, had it for a fortnight after he bit the postie. He's got a wooden leg so it didn't do the dog much good and he's in agony. You have to pull out the broken tooth with your bare fingers.
Challenge no. 3 - upstairs from the pub, lives an 80 year old granny, nae teeth, nae bladder control and a colostomy bag. She's also never had an orgasm so you have to give her one - and we have to be able to hear it down here in the bar".
"Right" says the man, "Bring it on". So, he downs a pint of the special chilli mixture, fighting hard to keep the dry boak down, doesn't even mention the sweat he breaks out in - feeling like a river running down the sheuch of his arse. "OK, now for no. 2".
So he goes out to the back of the pub, the regulars hear all sorts of growls, snarls yelps, screams and cries, finally dwindling to a whimper.
The man staggers back into the bar, covered in bite marks, scatches and dripping with blood, clothes ripped to buggery.
"OK" he gasps, "Where's the old granny wi' the toothache...?".
He asks the barman what they are collecting for, thinking its for charity.
The barman answers "It's the £10 challenge, whoever wins gets the jar and all the contents"
Its obvious there must be a couple of grand in this jar so the man says"OK, I'm up for it, whats the challenge?".
"Oh no" says the barman, "You need to put your tenner in before I tell you the challenge and you cant take the money back if you want to back out from it".
The man says "I'll just have a pint".
After a several pints, OK a bucket-load sitting looking at this jar stuffed with tenners, obviously a good couple of grand in it, the man goes up to the bar, slaps a tenner down and says "OK, I'm in - whats the £10 Challenge".
The barman says"OK, Challenge no. 1 - you drink a pint of my special chilli/woucester sauce/olive oil mixture, in a wanner, no boaking or dry or otherwise and no even complaining about breaking into a sweat.
Challenge no. 2 - out in the back, theres a pit-bull dog with severe toothache, had it for a fortnight after he bit the postie. He's got a wooden leg so it didn't do the dog much good and he's in agony. You have to pull out the broken tooth with your bare fingers.
Challenge no. 3 - upstairs from the pub, lives an 80 year old granny, nae teeth, nae bladder control and a colostomy bag. She's also never had an orgasm so you have to give her one - and we have to be able to hear it down here in the bar".
"Right" says the man, "Bring it on". So, he downs a pint of the special chilli mixture, fighting hard to keep the dry boak down, doesn't even mention the sweat he breaks out in - feeling like a river running down the sheuch of his arse. "OK, now for no. 2".
So he goes out to the back of the pub, the regulars hear all sorts of growls, snarls yelps, screams and cries, finally dwindling to a whimper.
The man staggers back into the bar, covered in bite marks, scatches and dripping with blood, clothes ripped to buggery.
"OK" he gasps, "Where's the old granny wi' the toothache...?".
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)